The Hopeful Agnostic

I have to say that I love Father Tim at Christ Church. He’s a dynamic speaker, speaking clearly and with enthusiasm, intelligently but in a way that excludes no one. He is uncompromising in his own Christianity but manages to convey a spirit of welcome for all, even for a ‘hopeful agnostic’ such as myself. I’m sure I’ll refer to him often here, and I hope he doesn’t mind my occasional paraphrasing!

This week is Prayer Week here in Cheltenham, and he introduced a number of prayer groups available for Lent. In preparation, he brought out a table with 5 items, none of which were obviously related to prayer.

Item 1 was an Ordinance Survey map of the Lake District. When we go walking in the Lakes, we’re enthusiastic in the beginning but as we go along, the walking is more difficult and we find we’re not in the shape we thought we were. About halfway up, we stop to rest and think, ‘Well, I’ll just buy a book with some nice pictures of the view from the top and head back down, rather than huffing and puffing the rest of the way up the hill’. Prayer is hard work but, like all things worth having, it is worth sticking through and reaping the rewards, the view from the top.

Item 2 was a menu from a Chinese take-away. Many people worry that they’re not praying the ‘right’ way or that they can’t pray like the other guy over there, but prayer has many forms and it’s perfectly ok to go through the menu and choose a form of prayer that works for you.

Item 3 was a silver heart (with a little jingle). Many people find themselves disheartened by the experience of prayer, when one is promised ‘ask and you will receive, seek and you will find’, but then they don’t. When someone you love is very ill, for example, and all the prayer in the world can’t heal them, people, quite reasonably, lose heart. However, Psalm 147:3 tells us: ‘ He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds’. Though not to denigrate the experience of someone who has felt despondent in the face of unanswered prayers, Father Tim reminded us that there is hope to be found.

Item 4 was a squash racket, and he told a lovely story about realising that his 14 year old son is ready to play ‘for real’. However, I can’t remember the point of the story now! If I remember, I’ll update this!

Item 5 was a battery recharger, and this required the least interpretation. We all feel run down, tired, frazzled, and prayer offers quiet time to recharge ourselves, both spiritually and physically. Man oh man, do I need recharging…

Personally, I don’t believe in a God that takes requests, so the 3rd item (the silver heart) isn’t particularly relevant for me, although I know many people who would find it inspiring. The rest of it did speak directly to me though. As I try more and more to express my spirituality through Christianity, I find prayer both exciting and daunting. I’m fine when it comes to ‘conversations’ with God, much as I did when I was a child. What I’m struggling with is prayer as reflective, sacred space, prayer as Christian (as opposed to Buddhist or even non-spiritual) mediation. I’ve read books on it (as always, looking for the answer in books…), but I can’t seem to take what I’ve read and apply it in my life. I think perhaps what I do is to become overwhelmed by the choice on the menu, so to speak, and I’m not sure where to start. Tim reminded me today that all I need to do is to pick one, give it a try, and if it doesn’t work for me, just go back to the menu and give another one a try. And, like the walk up the hills in the Lakes, it will be hard work but the view at the top is worth the trouble.